Love.

We’ve been looking for it since forever.

Since infancy we’ve been searching for love from parents, partners, siblings, friends, children, bosses, strangers in the street.

Seeking. Out there. From them. Towards us.

It’s the absolute unquestioned “Of course!” religion for many of us.

“C’mon Judy, we gotta have love!”

Musssst haavvvve loovvve.

As if we’re zombies prowling for brains or something. Constantly on the hunt.

Sometimes we even think we catch some once in a while.

Yay!

Then it leaves. Or goes to someone else instead. Or changes. Or gets uninteresting. Or it wasn’t the right kind of love. Or there wasn’t enough of it.  

Boo.

So here comes one of those questions we’re not supposed to ask, and that causes some of you to get mad at me when I do anyway.

Do we really need others’ love?

Other than that it feels good, what for?

What makes chasing love so gosh-darned important that it runs our lives?

I know we want it, I know we like it, I know it feels like we need their love.

But…

Think about it; if you can, just for a moment set aside all the brain washing and mass hypnosis going on.

Is scoring other people’s love necessary for life?

Nah.

If it was necessary, there wouldn’t be vast numbers of people- alive people, existing people- who don’t have others’ love.

They don’t have love; just ask them, they’ll tell you!

And yet, life goes on.

So yes we certainly enjoy love. It’s wonderful; I understand.

Life certainly feels more fun with it, not as fun or even downright bad without it.

But having others’ love is not a requirement.

Thought says we need it.

But no.

Besides, have you noticed how it becomes all about Me when we don’t get others to demonstrate love towards us?

“See? I’m unlovable!”

When it appears others don’t love us, we think it means something...

About us.

Invariably we conclude, “This means I’m unlovable /deficient /a loser.”

Which is one reason why the need to be loved by others, hurts.

Because it seems to indicate that we are not sufficient as we are.

Without others pouring their love into our empty vessel so that we can fill up to the enough-mark...

We’re lacking. We’re missing something.

But this meaning-applying is just a trick of mind.

Try taking thought off its usual, “Woe is lonely unloved me, I need love from him- her- them” track, and see if, without someone else feeling the right things about us, we are enough right in this moment, anyway.

Aren’t we?

‘Course we are.

“Lack/not enough” turns out to be just a cute little lie the mind tells.

We’re actually just fine as is.

However much love we do or don’t score.

So maybe we don’t need to suck up other people’s love like some brain-eater or desperately hungry vampire.

Because while we’re trying so hard to get people to love us, turns out there are other things we don’t notice, too.

Such as, if we have to try so hard to get love, can we trust what we get when we appear to succeed?

Yeah, not likely.

And, does the love felt in another person’s body have anything to do with our own body?

That’s their love.

How does what they feel in their chest (or whatever body part) have anything to do with us?

Except again for the meaning we assign.

So, what if it was somehow magically possible to stop searching day and night for more or better love, and just make do with what’s here?

Focusing on the love we have rather than what we can get.

It could be that when we focus on the feelings in our own chest, we begin to notice how much love, of our own, we already have.

Love that we get to feel.

Towards others.

Instead of saying “Gimme gimme” to their feelings, we get our own feelings-in-the-chest.

Regardless of what they feel.

All ours.

No one can take that from us.

In fact, it could be that what is in us might more than make up for what is or isn’t in others’ chests.

Which means we wouldn't have to try so hard to make people love us.

Wouldn’t that be something.

That is why I hope you can enjoy the feeling in your own chest this Valentine’s week.

Because it could just be that you’ve got more than enough love already.

And maybe your own love makes you (gasp) more than enough, too.

Oh I love that for you.